7 Things Your Pastor Won’t Tell You
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The health of the pastor influences the health of the church. Too often, pastors are the first in line to give help and the last in line to receive help. Unfortunately, this mindset has left them unable or unwilling to receive the love, support and encouragement they so desperately need.
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A recent survey showed that church members’ expectations translated to 114 hours per week carrying out pastoral duties. It’s no wonder pastors are overwhelmed and underappreciated.
They are expected to know everyone by name, preach a “home run sermon” every Sunday, condemn sin without hurting anyone’s feelings, and be available to serve others 24/7, all while not neglecting their own family. Here are seven things your pastor won’t tell you. It’s time to remove the facade and reveal the truth.
“I’m on call 24/7/.”
Pastors have extremely long work weeks. Their days don’t end at 5 pm or when they leave the church office.
They are working during the week and on the weekends. It can also be difficult for pastors to find rest due to the nature of this involved position. When emergencies come up, they are called away from their families at a moment’s notice.
Your pastor often has to put their personal life on hold to attend to the needs of others. If you have an emergency, by all means, call your pastor, but if it’s an issue that can wait until tomorrow, let it go. Pastor’s marriages and family lives are greatly impacted when they can’t spend time together at all without the phone constantly going off.
“I don’t have all the answers.”
Yes, your pastor went to school to study the Bible and theology, and they pray for God’s guidance and wisdom daily. But no pastor has all the answers, and there will be times when they can’t answer your questions or give you the answers you’re looking for. You must recognize that they are on the same faith journey we are on, following Christ.
Pastors are called to lead people towards the cross, but they are still learning right along with us. We may want our leaders to always know the answers or what’s coming next, but that won’t always be the case.
“I’m human.”
Pastors are people, too. Believe it or not, they like the same things we do, including sports, music and television shows. They like to have fun, laugh, and feel sadness.
They also have families, friends (outside of church), life goals, fears and insecurities.
Every pastor will encounter the storms of life, and every pastor will go through deep valleys. Every pastor struggles with sin. In short, pastors are human beings who deal with shortcomings. Just as you don’t want to be solely identified by your career choices or pigeonholed into a particular mold, neither does your pastor.
“I’m lonely.”
Being a pastor can be a lonely position. Most pastors have few friends or active social lives due to the nature of their work.
They often combat feelings of isolation and loneliness. It is rare for pastors to have the opportunity to step away from their church commitments and just spend time with friends and family. It can also be difficult for them to find someone outside of the church to relate to and who understands their life as a pastor.
It can also be really difficult for pastors to be close friends with people inside the church. A pastor’s social, emotional and spiritual worlds are so interconnected, making relationships inside and outside of the church difficult.
“I can lose my focus.”
If you have an issue, don’t complain just before worship.
Nothing will ruin a Sunday morning or a sermon quicker than a complainer. When church is starting, it is never the right time to bring an issue up. There are so many things going through a pastor’s mind when they walk through those church doors that you don’t even know about.
Yes, you may have a particular issue or concern, but share it outside of church. Your needs may be important but put them aside for a second to benefit the whole church, which deserves the best the pastor can give.
“I can’t talk long on Sunday mornings.”
Too often, church parishioners forget that there’s only one pastor. On Sunday, the pastor is expected to speak to as many people as possible as they enter and exit the church.
Your pastor needs to make personal connections with hundreds of people potentially walking through your church doors. If you need more than a few seconds of your pastor’s time, let it wait another time. Reach out to him outside of the church.
Your pastor will appreciate you giving him the space they need to make the connections they need. This will also provide the opportunity for the pastor to give your situation more focus outside the hectic nature of Sunday mornings. Remember, you’re not the only one who wants or needs your pastor’s attention.
“I need a champion.”
Many pastors do not feel as if they have a champion. They often lack that one person who has made it a personal goal to watch out for them. When a church is dealing with major financial problems that threaten to close the front doors, some pastors are willing to give it all – including dramatically reducing their salary, selling multiple personal assets and dipping into retirement to make payroll.
Yet, when the church reaches a place of financial health, the sacrifice the pastor and their family made is all but forgotten. The failure to correct these situations is not often intentional.
If these churches had any clue of the financial burden the family was bearing, they most likely would have immediately come to their aid.
The problem that plagues thousands of congregations when it comes to the care of their pastors is they simply forget. We must remember.
The intensity of these expectations and the lack of appreciation can and does bring the majority of pastors to a place of despair and ultimately leave pastoral ministry. If you want a healthy church and a healthy pastor, you must remember that pastors are people, too.
Lesli White is a graduate of Virginia Commonwealth with a Bachelor’s degree in Mass Communications and a concentration in print and online journalism. In college, she took a number of religious studies courses and harnessed her talent for storytelling. White has a rich faith background.
Her father, a Lutheran pastor and life coach was a big influence in her faith life, helping her to see the value of sharing the message of Christ with others. She has served in the church from an early age. Some of these roles include assisting ministry, mutual ministry, worship and music ministry and church council.
