14 WAYS TO DEAL WITH SILENT TREATMENT
The silent treatment is a refusal to verbally communicate with your spouse, often as a means of punishment, emotional manipulation, or control.
The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic that can leave important issues in a relationship/Marriage unresolved. It also can leave the spouse on the receiving end feeling worthless, unloved, hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, and unimportant.
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Silent treatment is one of the greatest killers of communication in marriage, it solves nothing and only pushes you two apart
Shutting your spouse out and refusing to engage in talks to demonstrate how mad you are only works against your marriage.
You will have your silent way but your issues don’t get resolved and can lead to almost permanent damage
Irrespective of your fights, communication shouldn’t be on hold.
No matter the gravity of your misunderstanding, communication should resume without lingered hurts.
Emotional connection is one of the best way to bond with your spouse.
When you spouse disconnects from you emotionally, it will affect every area of your marriage, especially your sexual life.
WHAT TO DO!
- Don’t assume you know the reason for the silent treatment.
The first step to handling the silent treatment is to figure out why your partner is being silent. Is it because they are feeling hurt and don’t know how to express their feelings? Or are they using silence as a form of punishment or retribution?
Look for the reasons behind the silent treatment.
Once you’ve identified the reason behind their silence, you can start to work towards finding a solution.
People who give the silent treatment aren’t always doing it out of malice.
They may have trouble expressing themselves, especially when it comes to negative emotions like anger and grief. They may also be afraid of how you might react knowing how they really feel or think.
- Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate.
The most important thing you can do when dealing with the silent treatment is to have a conversations with your spouse.
- Be ready to listen, not just talk.
Getting the silent treatment might trigger anger in you too and you may lose control over your tone. This will defeat the purpose of your conversation.
Try to stay calm and avoid becoming defensive. Focus on listening to your partner’s concerns and working together to find a solution.
Do not interrupt. They are likely going to clam up if they sense that you are just looking to fight and take the floor. We often fail to realize where we stopped listening.
- Try to show empathy instead of winning sympathy from your Silent Spouse.
Acknowledge your spouse’s emotions even if you are not the recipient of the silent treatment. Try to validate their experience. It lays the foundation for comfort, openness, and trust signaling towards the fact that you genuinely care about their feelings.
- Do Not Try To Win the Silent Treatment:
You need to realize that there is no winning or losing when dealing with the silent treatment. It should not be a blame game. Your goal should be to resolve the issue once and for all.
However, both parties should realize their mistakes and make it a point that they do not repeat them.
- Share your feelings with them.
As you invite them to talk directly with you, let them know the impact their withdrawal has on you. You might say something like this: “I’ve noticed that something seems to be bothering you. You seem to have withdrawn. I want to invite you to talk directly to me about whatever is troubling you. I also want to let you know that I find your prolonged silence to be very hurtful.”
- Be willing to let go of your grudge.
Grudges can be devastating. Irrespective of which end of the silent treatment you are on, always be ready to ask and offer forgiveness.
If you are someone who has never apologized to your spouse, try it. You will feel so much lighter when your part of the job is done.
- Make time.
Getting a silent spouse talking takes time.
And you might need to schedule time where you can just be alone. If you’re not in the habit already, this might be a good reason to start making date nights to have some time away from kids and work and everyday stuff to focus on communicating.
- Be ready to ask for forgiveness.
Sometimes the silence comes from an unspoken hurt you’re unaware of causing. If it surfaces, don’t be defensive, but be willing to evaluate it and own it. Asking for forgiveness in a meaningful way can be a powerful help to a marriage
- Be ready to offer forgiveness.
Sometimes silence comes from your spouse’s guilt or shame. If this surfaces, having a forgiving heart may be just what’s needed to open up the gates of meaningful conversation again with your spouse. Forgiveness is a decision. When you really forgive someone, you are making a decision to release, embrace, pardon, and grow.
- Don’t give up.
Complacency is so destructive in marriage. If you are feeling worn down by the loneliness and the silence, find Christian friends who will encourage you and hold you up.
- Have a meeting with a Therapist
If you’re struggling to resolve the situation on your own, it may be helpful to seek outside help from a therapist or relationship counselor.
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Above all, Pray for your spouse. Tell God about this issue of concern and He will step into your marriage
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In summary, silence is a particularly painful weapon and has no place in a healthy relationship. Taking a time out, agreed upon by both people, can be an effective way to get space to reflect, pray and consider a healthy response. You should allow for ‘time outs’ and must agree that ‘the silent treatment’ will never be tolerated.
